Episode Two

Jennifer tells everyone her dad got LIFE in prison for dealiing crystal meth. A life sentence? Unless he was the goddamn Kingpin...hell, even if he was, I think 20-30 years would be enough.

Kim's boobage looked nice and she listened.

Deborah was on the phone with her friend, named...Superman? Sounds like more than a friend to me.

Sinae explained her legally blind pain again in more detail. It sounds like mine-- we can see shapes, we can see colors, we just can't see fine detail. I wonder if those glasses help her as much as mine help me.

Ok, I hate Iyanla. In her first session with Jennifer she gets into that inner child b.s. that sounds so cheesy. "Work on lil' Jen, don't abandon her..." Yes, instead go out and buy her ice cream and a new Barbie Dream House. Iyanla did bust a pretty decent pearl of wisdom at the end though-- "Home is not a place; it's in your heart". That's where you got to feel good. On

Apparently Sinae is blind as a bat WITH glasses. They brought in a dude who helps blind-ass people learn to get around better.

Errgh. Iyanla gives Jennifer a "brick" assignment, similar to one the life coaches did last year. Jenn has to write all the thoughts and feels that keeps her heart a crappy home, each one on a brick. As she does this I see one-- "My 1st grade teacher hated me"-- aw, shit.

My hatred for this Iyanla character grows. As the group discusses Sinae's blindness, she pipes in "Don't we need a new definition of blindness, because some people with two eyes can't see?" ERRRGH. That's brilliant, Consfuscia. Anymore horrific headshrink cliches you can throw in that are worth a dime a dozen? Rana, come back...

Sinae has a weepfest about not being important to her dad. Hell, she'd probably be like me if she did ever have some quality time with her father-- i.e. thankful for the lack of quality time.

Wooh, Deborah's retarded. She can't figure out how to get directions to Target. It's up to 18 year old Sinae to tell her look in the phone book for the address, go to the computer to get driving directions....

Back to the building of Jennifer's emo brick house-- Jenn has guilt of leaving home, leaving her mom. Er, maybe she should...her mom has MS!

Iyanla makes a hut out of all of Jenn's bricks (Jenn stands with all the bricks surrounding her). She is trapped in a prison, as this helpful illustration shows.

Turns out Deborah's not retarded; she's just keepin' it real. She's computerphobic, or at least doesn't know how to operate one. Then she gets all crazy and hostile about the others wanting her to learn. Sinae let's fly an "I pity you" which makes Deborah explode and leave the room. Dammit Sinae, how dare you make me side with the villain of the house cause of you showcasin your infinite youngstuff wisdom. "When you told us you were blind, I didn't say I pitied YOU." Yeah Deb, I got your back on this one.

Deborah gets on the phone to Superman... uh oh. Maybe Sinae DOES possess infinite wisdom. Even Superman can't get her to shut the fuck up for two seconds.

The episode concludes with Josie flashbacks. They show Chloe's birth... now (thanks to Jenny McCarthy) I'm aware that most women crap when they give birth... I could've sworn I saw some shit on Chloe's neck as she was poppin out. I'm probably just fantasizing.

She tells everyone in the group how her much her dead grandma means to her, that she wants to succeed and do well in the house to go to her grave and tell her.. Everyone gets weepy. Even me.

And the father of her baby is... ARGH! Episode 2 passes without them revealing it! Before the series finale, please?