Episode One

All the new recruits came flooding into the new Los Angeles house today.

The big question is.... who has the worst name of all? It's a dead heat between three... Sinae (pronounced SIN-ay). Deborah looks all fine and dandy if you're just reading it from the page, but she pronounces it day-BOR-ah. Holy shit. And last but not least, there's Towanda. Whose parents, much like Deborah's, strained as hard as they could to approximate an African-sounding name to separate themselves from the whities. I think they should've went with Tylenol.

I'm a white guy, and just for fun I'm going to name my first born Laquisha. I hope it's a boy.

Sinae's a blondie albino. She was the first to do the reveal today, and what was her painful revelation? She's...::cue dramatic music:: legally blind.

I'll let you in on a little painful secret of my own. I'M LEGALLY BLIND. (cue my own tears). Honestly. It's not that bad. Being legally blind means you can't see something like 12 to 16 inches in front of your face clearly. It means I can't ever have certain jobs which I forget now, one of them was a pilot. Even though I can put on a pair of glasses and everything's ok.

Maybe hers is much worse, I don't know. After she announced she was blind though, she admonished another housemember for looking at her funny.

All the housemembers pile into the van to go shopping and get lost. Deborah was driving. Was it her fault? Nah. They're all bitches... they could all take turns getting lost if they wanted to. Rumor has it that last season's Starting Over camera crew operated the van by remote control, except for at the end where they let that mother-daughter team take the reins to spice up a slow week.

Deborah doesn't seem to be too annoying to me yet, despite chunky hottie Kim saying everyone hates her.

Iyanla? Where's Rana. She wasn't my favorite life coach, but she was cool. I'm not feeling this new bird so far...

Oh sweet, sweet Rhonda... despite the cool new haircut, she looks a little tired to me, worn down... like she got banged around real good by somebody this summer. Sigh. Wish it could've been me.

Other housemembers I want to violate: Sinae, Kim, and...

Josie's back! I had problems with how she was booted out last year just because the season was ending. I knew she'd be sexy once she was through with being preggo.

Chloe sounds like a stripper name... it's also the name of my favorite pornstar (a sticky chick, but man you'll never see anyone more intense). It's going to take a lot to keep her off the pole. And I get the feeling that goes ditto for mom.

When they did the introduction for that Jennifer chick, I was skeeeered. With all the ominous buildup I thought her self portrait pic was going to be her being mounted by her dad. I was equally afeared her problem was going to be really lame ("I'M AFRAID OF FRUIT ROLL-UPS!"). Ok, her mom has multiple schlerosis and her dad's in prison, I'm satisfied.

All in all, not a bad beginning. I'm not as enamoured by the new faces as I was with the old, but I guess that's because I've gotten to know the old housemembers for longer than an hour.

Wahoo, finally some new episodes! Somebody shoot me.